It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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