Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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