she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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