Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
