People in love make me want to vomit
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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