tell your sister to shave her snatch
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
sex in a hospital.. check
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
