Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I want to fling myself into the sun
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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