Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
