I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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