Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
