Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize