My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
