I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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