Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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