So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
