He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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