why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
