Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
