At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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