My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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