I heard we made out
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
