In the future we'll all be gay
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
