im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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