Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize