so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
