No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
