Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
