he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
