does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
