Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
