dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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