even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
