Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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