i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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