Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
