you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
