i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
