i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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