It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
