dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
