I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
