toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
