Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
