cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
40s are totally the cure
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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