Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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