The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
