We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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