Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
