Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I deserve this hangover.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
