WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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