we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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