Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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