Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize