i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
