For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
