so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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