You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I did not marry a roomba.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
