what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
