Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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