so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
