Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
