Sponge bath it is.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
