I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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