Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
