She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize