No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
