Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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