i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is my gift to your gina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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