Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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