My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
