we're blogging at a bar
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
