You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
