I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
