but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
