The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
