If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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