I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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