his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
