also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
