I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
