just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
