Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
