Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
