i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
