i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize
