I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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