friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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