That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
