i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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