You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Randomize
