Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
