I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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