Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
