i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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