So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
