he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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