(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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