Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
