if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
