Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
