From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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