Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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