u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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