we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
