i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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