Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize