people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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